Have you noticed the full-page advertisements for presents for dear old Dad in the newspapers in the last few days? It looks to me like the best way to make Dad feel fulfilled is for him to strap on an expensive watch and go into the backyard and fire up his new char-broil toy to make him happy feeding his family and friends. It isn't that simplified nor is it wise or timely in these troublesome times. I have a few words to say (excluding "twitterers" or "you tubers" or an address to the vast tribe of "face-book" devotees) to dear old Dad on the recognition by the merchants who have only his welfare at heart now that his day is nigh. We worked our way through telling Mom how much we loved her by giving her flowers and the perfume and jewelry that she has secretly wanted and you surprised her that you knew that she would be happy while making the merchants happy.
As a dad I am in a sort of place that is be-twixed and between. The only person who will think of me on this day of days is Carol - and she certainly is no child of mine while being just as precious as one of those little darlings who have since grown up to have children of their own. I deserve nothing, much less than a watch (I have several) or a char-broil which I cannot use here in my 52 unit condominium apartment building. If I had the energy for this one day affair, I could have tried to unify all the Moms and children in the building to chip in at least to buy a char-broil and get approval for a barbecue on the common property somewhere in the parking lot around 18601 NE 14th Avenue in North Miami Beach, FL. But that would also require getting permission from the fire department and the police for holding a mass meeting and setting fire to ribs and such demanded by custom on Dad's day of days.
But, I am not made of such stuff and I do not expect or deserve attention just because custom tells us it is time to recognize dear old Dad.
I would like a telephone call or letter (you never write or call) but that's all right. I hope to see you at my second Bar Mitzvah but it will be fine if you call or write instead of making the trip (which is expensive and really unnecessary). You missed all the other Father's Days, so why should this one be any different?
Take it easy. I am not upset or angry at the missing children at my non-presentation of an expensive watch or a chance to use a char-broil that I cannot possibly use here in my digs in North Miami Beach. We will go out to dinner, Carol and I, and hope that all the fathers will be honored and respected and get jobs in these terrible days when the watch and the char-broil really are not needed.