We got through the day, had a chicken dinner (actually the cooked chicken bought at COSTCO) and arrived early with our Yom Kippur books, song sheets, canes (for me) and a chair for Carol at the Temple.  We got a good parking space and after the Sanctuary was filled and the Clergy arrived (the Professional singers, cellist and our Hava Nashira “vocal group” were all in place so the Yom Kippur Evening service began.

Now, my feelings about the Day of Atonement have never been written in stone.  Since I sing in Temple Choirs I get to do my praying by singing the music which is pretty powerful stuff.  But, I don’t get to do too much thinking about atonement and the repentance it implies.  I have done a lot of things over the year that I am not particularly proud of but my guiding principle has been -“do as little harm as you can and try to do a lot better.”  I don’t really think I have sinned at all although that might be a matter of opinion.

Of course I would like to make atonement for bad or thoughtless behavior even if at the time I knew my judgments about some others were perfectly true – they were and still are stinkers. My thoughts about myself mostly involved thinking I could have done better in many situations.  So, I repent a lot by such thinking.  But there is one important part to this two-part Holy Day – ending a year, beginning another and asking for forgiveness for things enumerated in the prayer book which should constantly be showing its pages as a running television show in front of my eyes.

What is most confusing to me while I try to live a better life and try to do no one harm, is how can I know that my atonement and repentance are for real or imagined bad behavior thoughts and the like – are acceptable and I can, like the newly baptized, rise up out of the water cleansed and are forgiven?

I am beginning my fast and will have no solid food until tomorrow night.  I have had to take my pills and have swallowed them down with liquid.  I think that is permitted.  But, in reading through the service and singing the music I do not see where some kind of excusing or washing clean is included in what we are asking for.  When will that happen?  When will we know?  How will it be done?