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Two Post Election Scenarios
North Miami Beach, Florida 10-29-2000 Aaron H. Schectman
THINKING ALLOWED
Essays on issues, ideas and reflections on the times. Published now and
then. Opinions pro or con are welcome.
TWO POST ELECTION SCENARIOS
In the wake of one of the most hyped Halloween displays of fake horror at
faked monstrosities we should visit two different outcomes of one of the
most hyped contests for the control of the government of the United States -
ever - in its 211 year history.
First, Vice-President Albert Gore moments after the election results are
announced.
PRESIDENT GORE: "Ah feel just like the steam building up to raise a scream
as it shoots out of the kettle. Thank goodness I have my lovely wife Tipper
here to sit on me to settle me down. Come over here darlin' and give me one
of our famous kisses.
Now, first of all I will have displayed an array of problems that exist in
the world on a huge Internet ready screen so that we will have all the
little neighborhoods represented as they logon. We will, in effect, have
instantaneous response to questions raised about: 'What should we do about.?
' Next, we will do the same for our beloved United States, here at home.
In order to effect reinventing government in which I have been involved for
the last eight years we might just as well select and include those elements
of government which have worked so well on our behalf. Therefore, I shall
appoint former President William Jefferson Clinton as Secretary of State.
Education, being the ultimate promise of our future, will be the first
priority of this new government. We must reward those who labor in the
national public school system we propose to create. Federal dollars will
not impose federal government but teachers need to be free from fears of
personal destitution and fear of working in destitute schools. Private and
Parochial schools will be honored but not favored.
To oversee domestic tranquillity here at home I shall ask the new
majorities in both the houses of Congress to prepare a list of all the
previous government's proposals not enacted by the previous Congress and
send this list to me at the earliest possible moment.
I shall appoint a new Presidential Advisory Board consisting of those still
living former Presidents of the United States. They shall take the
initiative to propose needed legislation and forward it to the Executive
Department. This Board will assist in naming candidates for appointment to
the Supreme and lower Courts. They will also screen proposals requested from
the Governors of the 50 States and communities in need of aid for distressed
citizens.
I shall appoint a sub group of advisors consisting of presidential
candidates in all parties in previous elections who did not win and ask them
to elect a leader, form committees to study and draw up proposals for
legislation to be sent to the new Congress.
I shall call upon the research universities and other institutions of
higher education to forward the names of their chief thinkers and doers to
become members of an advisory board to identify the chief problems facing
our nation and our world in the coming century. They will report to the
Presidential Advisory board.
Lastly, I will call for a summit meeting to all the leaders of nations in
the world willing to join an assembly to bring to the United Nations General
Assembly immediate problems requiring action to once again realize the one
best hope for our Global Civilization.
Thank you."
NEXT: Governor George W. Bush moments after the election results are
announced.
PRESIDENT BUSH: "I want to tell you that I am much relieved to come to the
end of this campaign. I gave it all I had and I know that all my hard and
unusual work deserved this outcome. Now it is time to take a well-needed
nap - something my Daddy taught me to do years ago. Then we will begin to
celebrate by holding parties and reveling throughout the day and night with
all the goodies provided by big corporations, the oil companies and all the
wealthy people who have brought us to this point.
After the celebrations I will take a short vacation for a month or two and
then will call together my team. This will consist of those good people who
brought me victory and the leaders of the majority in both houses of
Congress. They will wait until problems come up to then decide what should
be done. They will then report to me and I, as commander in chief will have
the final say.
I will immediately appoint to the Courts those top members of a list of
candidates who most closely resemble the two best present members of the
Court, Justices Thomas and Scalia.
Next, I will honor my promise to provide a tax cut to the people of the
United States. These will, of course, be those whose wealth marks them as
most deserving gifts from a thankful nation.
My educational program will be simple to enact. We must prune out all
public schools that are failing. Vouchers will enable the bright and the
quick to quit those schools and move to private and parochial schools which
will now receive Federal recognition and support.
My advisors will present me with a list of those new tools developed by the
latest technology that are required to cut down the forests quickly and
efficiently in order to exploit natural resources sorely needed by the
American People. The states have the intelligence and, like the example set
by Texas, will curb pollution and other scientific needs.
I shall ask my advisors to seriously consider requesting the United Nations
to find new quarters in another part of the world. We shall call our troops
stationed all over the world to come home and we will create the strongest
and best equipped standing Army - here in the good old U.S.A.
The National Rifle Association will have a desk at the public entrance of
the White House. We will not rent out rooms!
All legislation to approve abortion will be immediately killed as soon as
it is proposed.
In order to form a more perfect union we will immediately downsize the
government of the United States and turn over most of its functions to the
governments of the States. Private corporations whose profit motive will be
honored will assume those functions not covered here.
The old and infirm will be asked to forego their Social Security checks in
order to finance this change in the way our government does business. Young
people just entering the work force will be encouraged to look out for
themselves by investing in stocks and companies that are the best hope for
them. We will have less reliance on government and more emphasis on the
individual. That is all I have to say. Enjoy the party!
Thank you."
Carol did not approve this. She wants me to restrict what I have to say to
one page.
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