Are You In There, Lily?

North Miami Beach, Florida 9-15-2000 Aaron H. Schectman
THINKING ALLOWED
Essays on issues, ideas and reflections on the times. Published now and
then. Opinions pro or con are welcome.

ARE YOU IN THERE LILY?

I spent over two hours with my mother-in-law, Lillian Lane, two days ago.
We were called in the morning to inform us that she was dying. I will not
let Carol see here in this condition. So I went. I found her comfortable
and sleeping. Her eyes are filmed over and I do not think she can see. I
was told she can hear.

I kissed her a lot. I caressed her hair and cheeks. When I have done this
before she would press back against me and kiss me back. I held her hands
and stroked them. She gave little response to this touching. She uttered
sounds but could not make words although I think she knew what she wanted to
say. In some discomfort, either from her painful hips or neck, she cried
out hoarsely a few times. I fed her some chipped ice because she was
breathing with her mouth open.

We were told that she was shortly going to die. She took deep rasping
breaths and stopped breathing audibly for long periods. A nurse came in and
shook her shoulder and asked her a question. Lil opened her eyes, not
seeing, but became alert and she seemed to reply. This satisfied the nurse.
I was crying most of the time.

I found that someone had given her a Hebrew prayer book. I asked her
questions but she answered not. To keep her company knowing that she loved
the stories I made up, I told her some but these were empty without a
response. So, I just read prayers out of the prayer book and sang some of
the liturgy that I know from singing in the Temple Choir. I don't know if
she really heard me.

There was no exchange between the two of us. I asked her several times,
"Are you in there Lily?" I don't know where she is, but it is two days
later and we have not received a call. I am going down there this morning
and I will ask, again, "Are you in there Lily?"

I just came back from visiting my sweet mother-in law. She was reclining
in the mobile chair where I last saw her. She was alert, had eaten some
breakfast but was in pain, holding her head. She knew me. She spoke my
name and told me how bad the pain in her chest was. I again read to her.
When I sang to her, she seemed to take comfort from that. Lily is still in
there.
Carol's evaluation: 10 out of 10.